"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."
This passage really speaks out to me lately along with another:
"For they all put in out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all that she had, her whole livelihood."
- Mark 12:44
The first one is huge to me right now. Learning to literally be content with my life regardless of circumstances. I find that my life can be pretty shallow at times. I define a good day simply by the amount of events that coordinate with my idea of perfection. This "sunset" mentality of continuing to push forward until we reach the prize so to speak is a bit begrudging. Finding peace and contentment in something entirely separate from circumstances and finding solace within them seems to be quite the juxtaposition.
It is easy to be enamored by the pressure of collecting a life's worth of accolades that we can brag about over a glass of wine with our friends. Yet, I am beginning to wonder if it's more about what we do not have as opposed to what we obtain. Edward Norton said it this way in Fight Club, "It's only when you have lost everything that you are free to do anything."
I do not think Steve Jobs made computers because he wanted a lot of money. Steve Jobs wanted to create something that brought people together and helped us all stay connected even more than we ever had. He was not trapped by dogmas or systematic legalistic theology. He chose to follow through with what he loved because there was an overwhelming necessity to create.
In all of this I am thankful to be able to write. I am thankful that I do not have every single t crossed and every i dotted. Perhaps the beauty and mystery or life is how dysfunctional it becomes when we try to chart it out and make sense of it. Maybe the best way to understand is to realize we are not capable of completely understanding.
Like the widow that gave more because she had nothing left I wan't to leave everything on the stage night after night. I want to put everything I am into everything I write. High or low, I am content and thankful to be alive and doing what I love.