Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Learning to Fly

        I hear a lot of people say, “If I could just go back and do things different.” My response to this is, "What load of crap that is". I say that even to myself. I would love to be able to apply the lessons I have learned over almost an entire year of touring and making our bands first record. Yet, that’s perhaps the lesson in itself. The fact that I can’t go back compels me to plan more effectively for the future.

            Shannon has been reading this wonderful book to me while I drive while she sits shotgun. It’s about a lady who is a highly regarded Christian Author in the world of writing. But you probably won’t find her books next to Max Lucado. (No offense to Max or any of those writers.) What compels me about this book is her ability to convey the truth of her experience in such a raw and honest format. Her conversion was in a drunken state where she finally gave up and said, “Come in.” She didn’t know what devotion meant. She had been torn to pieces from life’s unending waves of tragedy that beat against the door of her boathouse every single day.

            But she chose to take a step. She didn’t continue looking backwards. Maybe I am just talking to myself. I talk a lot about not looking back only to realize I spend doing much time doing that. I tell everyone not to be ashamed of their past but to move on. Yet, I find I am the one who hasn’t moved on.  I think about the day I die. I wonder what it will be like: some devastating car crash, asleep in bed with my wife, falling down a flight of stairs, in my bed blessing my family as I slip off into eternity.

            I am learning that we never entirely grow up. I still have questions at 23. I will still have questions at 24. I will still fail miserably. I can choose to drown in a sea of misery or embrace the fact that I am learning everyday.  Learning from my mistakes and dwelling on them are two separate things. I think Tom Petty was right when he said, “I am learning to fly, but I aint got wings. Coming down, is the hardest thing.”


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