Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Glow-In-The-Dark Cats: They're all the rave

This morning, Fox News New York reported that “medical scientists at the Mayo Clinic have combined genes from three species to produce a glow-in-the-dark cat resistant to feline AIDS.” Apparently, part of a monkey and part of a jellyfish were placed inside a fertilized cat egg, somehow producing a kitten that is not only resistant to AIDS, which may potentially lead to a cure for humans with AIDS, but more importantly, GLOWS IN THE DARK! They say that it is just coincidence that the jellyfish genes cause this illuminating side-effect, and the media seems to be focusing pretty heavily on the AIDS side of things, and rightfully so.

But if you know anything about Mike Mains & The Branches, you know that we love cats. This is not the I’m-really-more-of-a-cat-person kind of love. We’re talking about the holy-crap-there-are-glow-in-the-dark-cats-now-and-I-have-to-tell-everybody-about-it kind of love.

Now, I know that it is important that we may be able to solve the global AIDS epidemic. Totally get it. Lots of people have AIDS. That’s really bad. We should definitely fix it. But the media at large seems to be focusing almost exclusively on the disease-curing front, so I decided to take a moment to point out a few of the positive things that these rave-friendly felines bring to the table.

For instance, with these kinds of powers, families with cats will never have to invest in nightlights for their kids. Does little Johnny like Muff Muff the cat, but is afraid of the dark? Problem solved. Does your cat run away a lot? Just wait until nightfall to go looking for it. Let’s not neglect the benefit to the military either. Stumble upon a dark cave full of Taliban? Send in the cats! Whether you are marking the fire exits or decorating your yard at Christmas time, look no further than these furry felines. And the best part is their longevity; no way are these cats getting AIDS.

Whether you suffer from a previously incurable disease, or you just like kitties, it’s been a good day.


1 comment:

  1. I've been wanting to get a friend for my cat and I think I've just found the answer. Plus this one wouldn't be able to hide in the basement at night and swat at my head when I walk by!